Of Null Curriculum, Political Indecision, and Others

Just a quick self-reflection on my 2021 today. I thought nothing much has happened and to say, but I realized that many choices have been chosen by not choosing or happenings have happened by not happening. Paradox, isn't it? Lemme tell you.

When people ask me what I'm up to, I always tell them that I'm currently doing my research project. Then, I realize that it's been two years now since I've been engrossed about the null curriculum. I've tried out the procedure to determine the null curriculum with participants from different disciplines and they'd always ask me: If null curriculum is not taught and not learned, then why do we need to determine it? Alright. It can be a lengthy, philosophical lecture if I explain the answer, but let's just say that null curriculum is powerful by the virtue of its absence; ignorance is not a neutral void and it has consequences for the kind of students we produce in schools.

Political-wise, let's get it to the current issue on who should lead the Philippines next. Leni Robredo, for me, is not a strong leader. I hate to say this but she's been a victim of the hypocrisy that people see in her political stratagem. That speaks volume against her true intentions. Bongbong Marcos, I have not felt your mighty accomplishments as a politician in the last decades. So, other than your name, what else can you offer? Or, if anyone of you wants to educate me about him, you are welcome. Isko Moreno, on the other hand, is too millennial in his approach. I appreciate his performance as a mayor of Manila, but the changes he has done are superficial. The rest of presidential candidates are forgettable. Bet I might end up not voting any one.

In the love department, I've always reminded myself to play it cool; whatever comes is fine. I'd be down for anything in between deeply falling in love and never loving at all. In religion, I've claimed to be more spiritual than religious; I live as I am and that's my religion. So, why do I need to label it or explain myself? In social life, I've overcome that FOMO syndrome. I've learned to appreciate just to be happy, contented, and serene as an absent person.

One might think I'm on the verge of being so fed up having to make myself up in every aspect of life. But, hell no. I think I have rather grown more introspective. I've always considered myself as an introspective person and this time I can say I've seen farther than I would have with my younger self. I try to critically discern. Then, when it seems I do not, I make choice. After all, keeping interest in a curriculum that does not exist or being politically indifferent, fence-sitter in the love department, spiritual rather than religious, and socially absent are still choices.

There is Something about Sunset that He Likes

A beautiful sunset taken in Central Java, Indonesia.

Papers are waiting for him - journal critiques, desk reviews, annotated bibliographies, research proposals, and data analyses. No dramas.

Nipped In The Bud

Semester break will be around in a few days but it has definitely been a busy week and I expect a restless period all through the next week.

I am for psyching up myself for the upcoming local elections. I am designated as a poll clerk, to which I am aware is one of the most busy members of the board. I am still learning the ropes and hoping it would all go fine.

I am also into heaps of paper works like the MPS analysis of our recently concluded second quarter examinations. Trust my disposition when it comes to numbers.

At the same time I am consolidating the results of Early Grades Reading Assessment which was required to be conducted out of the bolt, so I panicked looking for forms.

I also have a topic for discussion in our in service training. Specifically, I will be delving into the areas of decoding skills as an important foundation of reading.

I really thought this semester break would be a welcome relief from all the pressure of living, but as a flower not to bloom, I am nipped in the bud. Sigh.

This picture is not mine. Photo credits: www.boklips.com.

Novelty Effect

It is on these times when I would genuinely find a moment of complete peace midst business of living - when the pupils are all busy writing - and I segue my "golden voice" out of the bolt like a real concert royalty in front of my class who is my legion of fans.

Me: Got her head on the cloud...
Pupils: Cloud...  
Me: And she's not breaking down.... 
Pupils: Down... 
All of us: This girl is on fire...

Then, they would all give me a round of applause and giggly burst in cheers, which I suspect as a novelty effect of the fact that I am their teacher, not necessarily an expression of their awesome admiration of my vocal abilities in reality.

Friget! Friget! Friget!

Rain Quote

Photo credit: physicsworld.com.

Oh, the pain.

The pain.

It always rains.

In my soul.

- John Green

Behind The Bars

Everytime the word "jail" slithers in conversations, I personally feel something anxious. I have never been to jail in my whole life until yesterday to facilitate the special election process. Looking at the two storey building with our incarcerated brothers in orange shirt behind the bars is really an intimidating event.

I couldn't wholly imagine if I will be imprisoned inside one of those cells. Limited spaces. Frozen wishes. Clipped opportunities. Unabbreviated dreams. I couldn't afford to lose this most prized freedom of being an autarchic human unless I go nutty like a fruit cake and blow an innocent brain out.

But I realized that at some point I am in fact long been a captive of my own self. I think that I am to an extent the damn engineer of our my imprisonment. I have been building those bars around myself to set limits to otherwise beautiful things.  

There are times when I deliberately ignore people and shut them all out of my life. It feels being distant and I start to become a hater in a claustrophobic world that I myself make. But thanks to my acknowledgement of hate as an unworthy emotion and I know I am not the imprisoned person I want to be.

Sometimes I deny to myself the things that I deserve and I handcuff myself in hypocrite humility. It is like trapping myself when I know I've got to believe myself. Would have it not been for defense mechanism called sublimation, I would have been suffocated to simplism without placing cushion of laughter between praises and pressures.

My own self, and nobody else, is the instrument of captivity or freedom. To some degree I am jailed in my own irrational self but most of the time the choice to be free is always mine with the divinity that shapes me.

Share with compassion for life is really meant to be shared. Love again because it is lovelier the second time around. And expand because the world outside is an endless opportunity.

I'm Left Handed

Recently we had a meeting. I was editing the manuscript of school background when our head teacher noticed my way of writing.

"I never noticed you are a left handed, good at numbers" he commented, looking amused that I am.

"Oh, nope, I am ambidextrous!" I reacted jokingly as I shifted my pen grip on right hand and pretended to be writing.

I take pride on being a left handed and I haven't just discovered my mathematical intelligence yet... Lmao.

My Day of Valor

I must be brave enough at this point to admit that I have a lot fears in my life. I used to consider myself a lame duck with heaps of emotional fixations within me. I always dreaded to step out of my comfort zone and face new challenges of life. There were the times when I just wanted to crawl inside a hole and forever disappear.

But slowly I am realizing that life is a risk and not even the things that scare me should stop me. 

I learned that being brave is knowing that things will change one day and that things ought to change... that being brave is unbelieving fake people and walking away from them... that being brave is landing on my feet and moving again for what I want in life... 

That is, to me, the most remarkable lesson I learned - to keep valor in a heap of fears and pains, uncertainties and apprehensions. 

It has me thinking - maybe it isn't loosely wet duck feathers at all... but tightly woven phoenix feathers, blanched pink in the sun. I feel like dusting off these feathers and charting the skies.

Honesty: Such a Lonely Word

About 5 months ago, our new schools division superintendent ordered that we revive the golden reminder: Honesty is the best policy. All schools agreeably backed up this idea by making visible signs of the saying in the classrooms and offices, and even in sheds and gates!

In this ultra modern society, it seems that honesty makes value only when there are eyes watching. People around often fail to realize the social ownership and corporate responsibility of the institution called education, which must be the reason why schools are prevalent victims of theft.

One time we were chatting about the recent  cases of lost coins and bills in some classes in our school.

One teacher, looking at the sign, commented: Honesty is the best policy.

Out of the blue, I barely noticed myself segued: And honesty is such a lonely word.

Psychosexual

Last night, my usual Facebooking time after the dinner was shortly interrupted when my friend beeped me this sort of word guessing game.

Alzheimer's Test: How fast can you guess these words? Time yourself!
1. F _ _ K   
2. P U _ S _   
3. S _ X   
4. P _ N _ S   
5. B O O _ S   
6. _ _ N D O M

I had a quick time guessing all the items. My fearless takes were the following.
1. FUCK   2. PUSSY   3. SEX   4. PENIS   5. BOOBS   6. CONDOM

And I was laughing to myself as I scrolled down. The actual answers were the following.
1. FORK   2. PULSE   3. SIX   4. PANTS   5. BOOKS   6. RANDOM

In the famous yet controversial psychology theorized by Sigmund Freud, it is believed that humans, from the moment of birth, are sexually oriented creatures who unconsciously possess an instinctual libido or sex energy that goes through different stages of development. What's more interesting though is Freud's another idea that our unconscious drives may sometimes emerge in the slips of tongue, associations of idea, dreams, jokes, and illnesses. 

Whether the test was made to trick or I was just too stupid, I just have this naughty thought in mind. Must my hasty responses relating a rather clean teaser to sexual terms be a manifestation of that unconscious possession of libido?

As the usual thing that I do, I shall post a link of this topic in my different social sites. Let me see how many nosy Freuds will click the title.

Seminar and Sleep

I listen to the lecture of gods

But why I hear the midnight?

I see vision of dancing ideas

But why these eyelids dance too?

So, I hold this private pleasure

And seal it with a sweet kiss

Hush, my world, I whisper

As unto sleep I did surrender.