Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Behind The Bars

Everytime the word "jail" slithers in conversations, I personally feel something anxious. I have never been to jail in my whole life until yesterday to facilitate the special election process. Looking at the two storey building with our incarcerated brothers in orange shirt behind the bars is really an intimidating event.

I couldn't wholly imagine if I will be imprisoned inside one of those cells. Limited spaces. Frozen wishes. Clipped opportunities. Unabbreviated dreams. I couldn't afford to lose this most prized freedom of being an autarchic human unless I go nutty like a fruit cake and blow an innocent brain out.

But I realized that at some point I am in fact long been a captive of my own self. I think that I am to an extent the damn engineer of our my imprisonment. I have been building those bars around myself to set limits to otherwise beautiful things.  

There are times when I deliberately ignore people and shut them all out of my life. It feels being distant and I start to become a hater in a claustrophobic world that I myself make. But thanks to my acknowledgement of hate as an unworthy emotion and I know I am not the imprisoned person I want to be.

Sometimes I deny to myself the things that I deserve and I handcuff myself in hypocrite humility. It is like trapping myself when I know I've got to believe myself. Would have it not been for defense mechanism called sublimation, I would have been suffocated to simplism without placing cushion of laughter between praises and pressures.

My own self, and nobody else, is the instrument of captivity or freedom. To some degree I am jailed in my own irrational self but most of the time the choice to be free is always mine with the divinity that shapes me.

Share with compassion for life is really meant to be shared. Love again because it is lovelier the second time around. And expand because the world outside is an endless opportunity.

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